Strange Musings Volume One.
The Day The Lawn Fought Back
By
Robert Jacob
“Finster, get up. It happened, I
told you it would.”
Finster sat up and rubbed his eyes.
Looking outside he could see the faint light of morning cresting the horizon.
“Mom, what time is it?”
“It’s almost 6:00, I told you this would
happen, now what are we going to do”, she asked, her voice full of exasperation.
“I don’t even know what you’re talking
about, what’s happened”, asked Finster.
“I told you that if you didn’t mow the
lawn it would take over and now it has. Your father is missing and I
can’t find Melissa.”
“Funny, that’s a good one. Is this
an April fool’s joke?”
“The only fool here is you, now get up and
do something.”
Without waiting for a reply, Finster’s
mother stormed out of the room. He rubbed his eyes again and went to the
window.
It sure seems dark out, he thought to
himself. He pushed open the curtains and suddenly there was a crash
of breaking glass as a huge green thing struck him hard, knocking him to the
ground. He was suddenly on full alert. Looking out the broken
window all he could see was green. He threw on some clothes and raced
downstairs.
There in the front room sat his mother,
frantically wringing her hands. He ran to her and screamed,
“What in the Sam hill is going on?”
His mother turned toward him, her face was
ashen,
“We’re being eaten alive… by that.”
She pointed to the front door, which was
broken and hanging on one hinge. Finster gazed in horror. Where the
doorway used to be was nothing but an undulating mass of green that was growing
ever closer. Looking back at his mother he asked,
“How did this happen?”
All she could do was shake her head as she
slipped into a resigned lethargy. Finster grabbed her by the shoulders,
shaking her,
“Snap out of it. I need you to go
upstairs. Lock your door until I come for you.”
His mother listlessly nodded as she rose
from her chair. Taking a few steps she turned with a blank look on her
face,
“It won’t do any good, we’re doomed.”
She fumbled her way upstairs and Finster
was left alone. The green mass had fully engulfed the entry way and was
now working toward where he stood.
“Not on my watch”, he shouted.
To his surprise he heard,
“Oh really, and what are you going to do
boy?”
The voice was deep and gruff, booming so
loud it shook the windows. Finster ran to his father’s den, luckily it
was still intact. Hanging above the fireplace was an old civil war
sword. It had been in the family since before he could remember. He
grabbed it and slid the sabre from its sheath. It made a metallic hissing
sound that somehow infused new life into him.
As he exited the den he was struck hard by
a green tentacle that quickly retracted through the front window.
“Tag you’re it”, the voice jeered.
The force of the blow sent Finster
sprawling to the floor. He struggled to regain his breath.
“Nice try, let’s see how you like a little
cold steel.”
Finster charged the mass of green invading
through the front door, slashing wildly. The old sword was still sharp
and cut through the stringy vines like butter. As the first limb fell he
heard a pitiful wail. He continued to slash as a sticky green fluid flew
everywhere. After several minutes he managed to clear the entire entry
way. Green foliage lay on the floor with the green ooze leaking and
creating foul smelling puddles everywhere.
“You puny human, do you think a few lost
limbs will stop me”, the voice screamed. “Take this.” Finster heard
the sound of wood breaking and saw the entry room ceiling begin to shake.
Quickly, he darted for the garage, racing through the kitchen just as the entry
way collapsed in a cloud of dust and debris.
“Ha, sorry boy. I couldn’t fit
through the door.”
There was a sudden sound of rolling
laughter as Finster threw open the door to the garage. He flipped the
light switch but nothing happened. Pushing the garage door opener
produced the same result, the power was gone. Hanging from the garage
door motor was a long red string with a tab on the end. He pulled it and
the mechanism released, allowing him to manually hoist open the door. He
could see daylight through the stringy vines and blades of grass. He
looked around for anything to fight with, that’s when he saw it.
The Finster chain weed eater.
Luckily, his father was an inventor. Most of his ideas were silly,
but this one was a god's send. It was part weed eater part chain saw; his
father loved combining technologies.
Finster raced to the corner and primed the
small engine. After a few tugs the contraption sprang to life, spewing
grey-blue smoke out like a chimney. The noise was deafening in the
confined space of the garage but Finster paid no heed as he headed for the
driveway. The weed eater slashed through the dense foliage as welcome
light flooded the garage. Green ooze dripped from the smoking arm as the
chain spun furiously. It splattered and sprayed in every direction,
covering Finster and everything in its path.
He worked for several minutes until the
driveway and garage doorway were completely cleared and then stepped onto the
driveway to survey the scene. The Lackymiers lived in a rural section of
west Iowa and so neighbors were few and far between. He looked for any
sign of life but found none; he was on his own. Turning, he surveyed the
invader that held their home hostage.
Gasping he saw a mountainous green blob of
vines and leaves with an ominous round bulb at the top, obviously the head.
"Hey, veggie head", he screamed,
"Over here."
The huge head rotated to reveal a sinister
face with rocks for teeth and fire burning in the eyes. It had no nose
only a loose network of vines that allowed a view into the inner part of the
head. There Finster saw a bulbous glowing mass of tissue that undulated
and pulsed. It was bright red with flames dancing in and out of the mass.
"You pathetic fool. I'll squash
you like a bug."
In his peripheral vision, Finster noticed
something descending towards him. Turning quickly, he saw what looked
like a hand but it was made up of twisted vines and leaves. He leapt to
the side just as the appendage crashed to the driveway.
"You're slow, you need to lose
weight", said Finster, mockingly. He jumped high in the air and
swung the lethal arm of the weed eater. It severed the foliage encased
appendage above what would normally be the wrist. There was a shudder and
a horrific scream rent the air.
"My arm! You've cut off my arm.
You'll pay for that."
From Finster's right came a sweeping claw.
He had no time to avoid it as he was swept high into the air, the weed
eater still roaring. Looking down he could see his house, it seemed much
smaller from that height. He suddenly felt a strong downward rush, the
monster was trying to slam him back into the pavement. Fortunately, his
upper body was free and with one huge swipe, he sliced off the appendage
holding him. He instantly regretted that move as the he and the severed
limb plummeted to the ground. He landed with a thud on a pile of debris.
The force of the impact knocked him senseless as he struggled to regain
control.
"Ow, that really hurt", replied
the monster. "Why would you do that", it questioned.
"Because you're destroying my
home!"
Suddenly, Finster heard what sounded like
weeping. Looking at the massive head of the monster, he saw huge green
globs of fluid falling to the ground.
"Are you crying", he asked.
"Oh be quiet. You try having
your arms cut off."
"Well, what did you expect?"
“I thought you'd just run away, like the
old man and the girl did."
Then Finster realized his Father and
Mellissa had escaped. Just then he heard the wail of sirens racing down
the long dirt road that led to their farm. The plant heard is as well and
turned to the sound,
"I'm finished! Thanks to you I
have no arms to fight back with, I'm done for."
"look! Back away from the house and I'll think about
sparing your life."
There was a rumble as the huge green giant
withdrew towards the forest that bordered their farm. It was still
weeping as the huge green blobs hit the ground and splattered in all
directions. With a huge crash, it fell backwards into a sitting position,
it's huge feet jutted into the air like awkward billboards.
"What happens now", the sobbing
plant asked.
Just then two fire engines and five police
cars pulled in front of the house. Finster's father jumped from one of
the vehicles, running toward him,
"You're safe, thank goodness."
Behind him was his sister.
As his father reached him he looked in awe
at the sitting monster that was still sobbing uncontrollably. The firemen
raced from their trucks brandishing axes, headed for the monster.
"Stop", screamed Finster.
"Its okay, let me talk with it."
The advancing men stopped and stared at
Finster as if he had lobsters coming out of his ears.
The Sobbing mass cried,
"Help me, don't let them kill
me."
Finster walked up to the plant. The
head towered over him a good twenty feet.
"Give me one good reason I shouldn't
just let them hack you to bits."
"I can help you, I can make sure you
never have to cut the lawn again, and I can make sure your crops grow
too."
Finster eyed the giant foliage warily.
"And how do you plan to do that,
exactly?"
"It was you're lawn that summoned me
in the first place. It's the villain here not me. When it got long
enough to be out of control, it sent me a wave signal. It said that if I
came and destroyed the house that we could have the whole area for ourselves.
It tricked me, look it is trying to get away."
Sure enough, Finster looked and saw the
long green carpet rippling in an attempt to leave. He raced to the garage
and fired up the Harley Blade Cutter. This was another of his father's
inventions combining a conventional lawnmower with a Harley motorcycle.
It looked like a conventional motorcycle with a large flat plate where a
side car would normally sit. The plate was the mower blade.
It roared to life as Finster turned the
throttle and raced toward the fleeing Kentucky Blue. Blades flew
everywhere as the Harley make short work of the escaping blades. There
was a high pitched squeal as the final blades were hewn down, leaving a neat
green carpet behind.
"Well done, son", said Finster's
father. "I guess we'll have to keep that lawn under control from now
on. What are we going to do with that..."
As his father turned to point to the
monster it was gone. Scrawled in the dirt was a message. Finster
and the others came over and looked at the dirt.
Sucker! You fell for it. You've won this round but
I'll be back when you least expect it. Next time it won't be so easy.
Finster looked at his father.
"We have to keep the lawn short from
now on."
His father nodded and said,
"Come on, we have a lot of clean up
to do."
Putting his arms around Mellissa and his
son, they headed for the house, sadder but wiser.
The End.
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